It’s an everyday, early morning ritual for me.
I take my mug of coffee and my toast with peanut butter to my corner of our living room sofa and place my mug and plate on the small table next to the sofa. I get comfy and place a sofa pillow next to me. Our 8 year old Bichon, Josie, jumps up on the sofa next to me with her body draped over the pillow, her head in my lap.
I say good-morning to her with a behind-the-ear-rub and a nose-to-nose sniff.
I take a sip of coffee, then a bite of toast. I break off a small bite of mostly peanut butter and give it to Josie…then repeat. We share our few minutes of communion. When the toast is gone, she looks at me before jumping down and heads into the kitchen for her own breakfast!
No words but lots of communication!
Recently, a good friend who knows how much I love Josie, sent a message she had copied from an article, entitled, How Animals Affect Our Hormones.*
“Pets affect our biology…Researchers have shown that if your dog gazes into your eyes for long enough, your oxytocin level will increase. The neuropeptide oxytocin is commonly referred to as the ‘love hormone’. Other names include the ‘hug hormone’ or the ‘cuddle hormone’.
As well, owners that received a longer look from their dogs said they have a ‘higher degree of relationship’ with their dog. And, the stronger the bond to their dog, the higher degree of oxytocin was measured.”
In this rather impersonal age where a good many of my personal interactions with others are electronic in nature, it is more challenging to get enough touch or eye-to-eye contact to trigger that ‘love hormone’ or ‘hug hormone’.
Family therapist Virginia Satir once said, “We need 4 hugs a day for survival. We need 8 hugs a day for maintenance. We need 12 hugs a day for growth.” (Apr 10, 2018)
I can remember the days when we had young children running through our home and hugs were easy to come by! But, I’m in the Gran Finale stage of life now, and there just isn’t that same opportunity! Two or three hugs in a day is a good day!…much less 12!
And socially, it is usually awkward, at best, and inappropriate, at worst, to hug the other person unless we ask for permission, right? I’ve known a few people who preface their greeting hugs with the caveat, “I’m a hugger” as they open their arms and go for it! But generally speaking, at least where I live, hugging isn’t automatic or welcomed.
Recently there was a bookbinder’s and paper maker’s conference in the hotel near our condo. As a friend and I were on our way to eat lunch in the hotel cafe, we spied the open-to-the-public sign outside the conference hall. We both love books and paper art and responded with glee! So we detoured and went in.
As we looked around at the various displays of gorgeous papers and things made of paper, we found ourselves interacting with a young ginger-haired woman with cute red glasses who held classes in our city. I commented on her glasses. My friend, who is also ginger-haired, commented on her hair (and her skilled craftsmanship) and we ended up having a selfie together! So fun! …Except as we were getting ready to leave her, I found myself petting her arm as I said good-bye! Now that was shocking! A pat-pat on her shoulder would have been unnoticed, but a stroke back and forth on her arm?!? Luckily she was good-humored and probably saw her own Granny when she looked at me. She graciously gave me a hug as she laughed about being petted!
My embarrassment lingered, though, and the encounter is now on my “one of my most embarrassing moments” list.
As I contemplate this incident, I wonder if the warmth of this young woman’s personality, her eye-to-eye contact, activated my oxytocin, my ‘hug hormone’, much like Josie does. So, I responded as I do to Josie!?!? Who knows?! Note to self, though: be cautious of eye-to-eye contact with strangers!
But getting back to my dog, there are definitely pros and cons in dog ownership, especially in these retirement years.
Some pros:
• My dog activates my “love hormone” (helps to give me those vital 12 hugs a day.)
• My dog helps keep me active because she needs several walks outside each day.
• My dog provides structure to my days because she has specific times when she needs to go out.
• My dog helps me feel needed because she can’t provide her own food and water.
• My dog helps connect me to my neighborhood (neighbors know Josie by name even when they don’t know mine!).
Some cons:
• All of the above sometimes, especially when it’s cold outside, or dark, or in the middle of a good movie, or when I’m just feeling lazy…it’s not always fun being needed!
• Vet and grooming fees can put a squeeze on my spending money.
Conclusion:
Hugs are important, at every age, and necessary for emotional health and happiness.(I believe the research.)
Eye-to-eye contact feels like a hug.
It is less embarrassing to get your “love hormone” activated by looking into the eyes of your dog than by hugging random strangers.
And in my opinion, dogs and old women were made for each other.
Have you had your 12 hugs today? If not, maybe you need a dog.
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